CRR Rating 1?

How about A CRR-1 in life?
Robin Panicker

My daughter Mishy is aged just around a year and a half but she has already started teaching me how to live life. I strive to be a perfectionist but when it comes to living life, I know I fail miserably. At work, my appraisals and accolades often matter so much that I forget to love the little things in life that guarantee joy. We often blend our personal life with our work and we tend to take love for granted. We earn as if there is no constraint, we spend as if there is no limit, we work as if there is no sleep, and we die as if there was no life in the first place.

Like someone truly said...

The choicest garb, the sweetest grace, Are oft to strangers shown;
The careless mien, the frowning face, Are given to our own.
We flatter those we scarcely know, We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow To those who love us best.

Here is an experience that taught me to work hard for getting a CRR-1 in my personal life as well.

One beautiful gloomy day, (paradox intended), I was arriving back late from work. It was just starting to rain and I was already irritated. I took out my popy-kuda (a popular brand of umbrella) to shield against the tiny chilling pearl drops. When I was a kid, I used to love the rains, but now I hate getting wet because a grown up mature man like me had better things to do than lousily enjoy the splashing drops of rain. It was a Friday but definitely not a TGIF [Thank God it's a Friday]. I was bringing back a frown from work coz I knew I had to be working over the weekend.

When I reached home, from over the fence (I am quite tall, you know) I could see two pairs of
eyes eagerly waiting for me - One little pair and one not so little pair. Every working day, little Mishy always waits for me along with her mother. Just as the earth rotates and revolves, these two emotionally bonded entities [pardon my technical jargon] have a daily wait as well as a weekly wait. Daily waits are often mechanical and less interesting while weekly waits are full of surprises and hence more interesting. Interesting - coz we three usually do a lot of things differently over the weekend - Shopping, visiting friends, traveling, cooking, gardening, reading, gaming, social networking and much more. No weekend has ever been the same and it's always exciting.

But that day, I was worried about the horrible weekend in store. Saturdays had always been bliss in my life, right from my 5 days a week convent school, and thankfully in college and finally even in my profession too. Working Saturdays though very rare, have always been a nightmare for me - the after effects of which is usually displayed as a grumpy face for the enclosing couple of days. As I opened the gate, Mishy came running towards me with a sparkling smile and grabbed my two feet and blabbered in her childish lingo- "Dada-Dada" The worry in me neither allowed me to return a smile nor pick her up. I simply chose to ignore her wide open arms. I was so busy cursing my fate, that I didn't notice the sense of love in the charming eyes of my little angel.

Mishy frowned for a while but within a minute she changed her mind and ran into the house and brought her favorite doggie toy for me. I didn't interpret that she was trying to cheer me up. Finally she had to let out a cry to be picked up. Only then did I understand that I was hurting someone who loved me. And the next moment when I took her in my arms and hugged her, her smile returned and she was as happy as before, glad to be in the safe and secure arms of her daddy. She did not have to worry about tomorrow, because she had to enjoy today. Her little heart craved for happiness. She didn't have responsibilities to look after maybe that’s why she had nothing to worry. I looked into her eyes and smiled for the first time, and she muttered "Dada" and hugged me tighter. Little kids have a way of winning your hearts with their innocence. Here, I was trying to spread my infectious frown, but ended up contracting Mishy's infectious smile.

With this little joy in my hand, I was slowly swept back to my very own lost childhood. My favorite season - monsoon. The heavy rains and thunders... Schools usually used to close early when there was a possibility of downpour. I could see myself returning home early from school - all wet from top to bottom. I remembered how my mother had neatly packed my rain-coat in my bag and how I hadn’t bothered to wear it, just because I wanted to get drenched. Drops of rain splashing across my face, the penetrating touch of those fierce beads piercing into the skin making it difficult and painful to keep the eyes open...as I raced my bicycle along with my friend on the semi tarred roads of the cozy little town that hosted a beautiful place called sweet home… The look on my mother’s face accompanied by the loud thunders in the background, when she saw the water dripping from my shoes when I took them out before entering home.. The camera lens zoomed and locked on the neatly packed rain coat when I handed it out to her... The shrill chidings that were buried under another chain of thunder and lightening... I knew I would be grounded but I was not sad. I had enjoyed my day and I was ready to face the music.
The clock fast forwarded again and I was dragged back to the present-tense from the long lost memory lanes. With nostalgia still lingering in the air, I realized how my life has changed. I realized the innocence in a little child. I realized how I had lost that innocence. Making more money has never made me happy because it was never enough. It could buy me everything, but happiness. It could never teach me how to live life. I would never have dreamt of growing up into what I am today... doing practically nothing for the welfare of mankind... while on the other hand eyeing on the comforts and pleasures for carving a luxurious life for myself... The brand of gadgets, the sparkling star restaurants, the rush of adrenaline while I press on my sedan’s gas throttle at close to 150 kilometers an hour, the recognition that I have earned, the life that I lived today... suddenly all of it turned meaningless. The satisfaction in the heart of a little street urchin when you offer him a chocolate which he has never touched before, the pride in the eyes of the wearied stranger, at the old-age home, when you wish them a nice day, the sorrowful adieus that the world waves as they mourn over a lifeless immortal recollecting the good deeds that the person had showered during his life – The satisfaction of the soul at those very moments is something that I could never have experienced if I continued to be what I am. And I decided to change myself for the better.

As they say, there are some things that money can’t buy. It’s the journey and not the destination that matters the most. One day all of us are going to die, and in the end, it's not how much we earned or what positions we held, that is going to matter. Did we surpass our expectations? Did we perform more than what we could have? Did we spend a portion of our life spreading happiness to others and sharing someone else’s miseries in return? Did we actually do anything good to this earth? Will we be happy with our final appraisal? Will we get a CRR1 in life? Introspect and justify your answer. Nothing else matters!